An Unintentionally Melodramatic Letter

wait, I'm actually not even sure if I know what melodramatic means. whatever.

I hate feeling isolated. I appreciate every little bit of insignificant news, EVERY bit people. I just feel far away from my life. 

Moving on, this week was just basically normal. Two Sundays ago my whole district was fasting for charity to help us work here in P, and this past Sunday that was answered for me. My heart just got filled up with love for these people, sort of out of nowhere. I sit and listen to their problems and just get so humbled, every single day. You guys all think that I`m here making huge sacrifices but the reality is that we live like princesses. I honestly sometimes feel guilty for all of my blessings, especially with my sweet companion now, and that makes me feel bad. I don't understand why i was born into them and they weren't. I want these people to inherit the Celestial Kingdom more than anything because they all deserve it so much more than I do. I will cry with them when they get there, I really will.

For example, M is a recent convert of the other pair of Hermanas here. Her mom died when she was little and did not have a good childhood. She got pregnant at 15 i believe, and was with the father who drank too much and was abusive and all sorts of things. Right now they’re separated and she has no job but tries to do whatever she can to feed her two sons that live with her, one who is six. I was on a division visiting her and she said "whenever I get sad about my circumstances, I just remind myself that there are people worse off than me. I have a roof. I have a bed.". 

I will forever be humbled by people in about the worst circumstances I can imagine, talking about and wanting to help the people who are worse off. So next time we all count our blessings, let’s make sure we really count them. And include your roof and your bed. 

Questions from the family: 

How is our favorite hermana?

I´m good!

What did you get at the bookstore that was so exciting and made you almost cry?

Its not what I got, it was walking in the doors. You don't understand how, even though im a missionary, how isolated we are from the church. Not the gospel, but the church. The websites, videos, materials, etc are like another world to me. Like for example when I got the conference Ensign in English from grandma and grandpa rowe (THANK YOU!), one american Elder walked up to me and asked if he could just touch it. So walking in felt like a tiny tiny tiny fragment of what i think it will feel like to walk in the doors of the celestial kingdom after living in the world for so long. But I bought a book of Mormon in guarani, and a copy of just the new testament in Spanish, which are also very good reasons to cry of happiness

Tell us what makes mission conference "super good as always." What are President LaPierre and his wife like?

Well it is always, always uplifting to be with other missionaries and people who have the spirit with them. along the same lines as the bookstore feeling thing. And they’re just the best, i don’t really know how to describe them. President is very practical and down to earth, which i really appreciate

Sorry to hear how cold your place is. You really don't have a roof in some spots? Do you have enough clothes to layer?

yup i have enough! and also it got not as cold. Apparently in winter the cold comes and goes 

Your pension sounds interesting (and breezy). Do you have any pictures of it so that we can see what you are facing?

yup i attached some!

Someone asked if I have any specific prayer requests, don't remember who. How about just everyone here, we all have so many problems.

Well, this letter has turned out rather melodramatic. Oops. The mission is an emotional rollercoaster, but I will forever be grateful that I got on. Amo mi mision. I would never give this up or the things that I am learning here. I love you all a ton, and am so so grateful for your love and your support and your letters. I really am. :) 

all my love,

la Hermana Rawlins

this is the window that just has wooden shutters. they don't really close all the way, but aren't too bad.

this is the best shot i could get of the balcony thing. above it is just like the top of a pavilion type thing, so not closed off. also, that is my mosquito net as a screen. I had to do that too in virasoro haha.

just call me Hermana Betty Crocker, making peanut butter cookies with the top of a pot because we dont have a pan. 

The following pictures were sent to us by the mission secretary from their trip to Asunción